STEPS TO RECOVERY
KEEPSAKES
Parents who have a stillborn baby are left with no happy memories of their child. No tears of joy after giving birth, no late night feedings, no first steps or first words.
We must take what little we have and create concrete momentos. Creating keepsakes is an important part of the healing process. It helps by giving you proof of this child's brief life. Many hospitals are aware of the need for keepsakes, but some are behind the times.
Listed below are some ideas:
* Handprints and footprints
Click here to see Sarah's Keepsakes
For many people, writing about their experience can be a catharsis. At the minimum, write one letter to your baby explaining how you feel about his/her life and dealth. Save it as a keepsake. You and your mate can share these letters with one another or keep them sealed away.
You will be surprised at what a relief it is to give words to your emotions even if you are the only one who ever sees them. If you find that writing this letter is helpful, consider starting a journal.
Below are suggestions of issues to write about in your journal; however, as with everything else, adapt these ideas to your situation and your individual needs.
* How did I feel when I discovered that we were going to have a baby?
Don't be afraid to seek help in resolving your grief. It does not mean that you are weak or crazy to ask for help. The death of a child is one of the worst life experiences you will ever face. There is no reason you should try to handle it alone.
If there is a support group in your area, seek contact with it. If you are not comfortable with attending a meeting, most groups offer a newsletter, lending library and pen-pal support. Also, there are national infant loss support groups listed in the appendix of this book.
For others, one on one with a counselor or in family sessions may be more helpful. Do what is best for your peace of mind. Try one or the other, or a combination of both. Keep in mind that there is not a miracle cure for grief and that healing takes time and patience.
Click here to see Sarah's Keepsakes
* A lock of hair
* Hospital bracelets and anklets
* Photos
* A portrait based on the hospital photo can be made to even out skin tone and offer a "nice" picture of the baby in whatever clothing or position that the parents wish.
* Snapshots of this portrait can be taken for siblings and grandparents.
* Have a certificate of life made. There is a listing in the appendix of this book.
* Baptism or blessing certificate.
* Birth or death announcement.
* Favorite outfit or special toy bought for this baby.
* If you did not see the baby, create an image in your mind, either based on your other children or on a combination of yours and your mate's baby pictures. Or ask the doctor and nurses or other family members who were present to recall the baby's features for you.
* Find or write a poem that expresses your feelings.
* Save the funeral book and cards of condolences.
* Combine these items and make a keepsake box or book.
* Did these feelings change during the pregnancy?
* What dreams did I have for my child's future?
* What did I feel when I knew that the baby wasn't mean to be?
* What was labor and delivery like? For me? For my partner?
* What was it like to see and hold the baby? Feelings? Textures? Smells? Etc.
* Why did I choose not to see the baby? Who made that choice?
* What was the funeral like?
* How do I feel about my mate now?
* How do I think my mate feels about me now?
* How do I feel about my surviving children?
* How do I feel about God?
* How do I feel about my friends and family?
* Do I want another baby? When? Why?
* How do I feel about baby's first birthday?
* When will I know that I am healed?
